Bravery Therapy: Move Aside Big Girl Panties it’s Time to Put on our Brave Capes.

mama jenny
Nov 26, 2021
5 min read

Move Aside Big Girl Panties it’s Time to Put on our Brave Capes.

If I wrote a list of all the characteristics and skills I would want my children to have, bravery would be at the top of that list. And honestly, it should be at the top of my personal skills list as well. Because without bravery, how can we truly embody other skills that we don’t already possess or achieve goals we have not yet accomplished?

I tell my children that they can do anything - full-well knowing that there are a million things out there that will be hard as f*ck to accomplish. Some things will be so challenging they may not even try, and somethings may prove more difficult than they anticipated and they may want to quit. But if we instill bravery in them as a LIFE 101 prerequisite, they will strive on, regardless of how scared they may be to try. But truthfully, if we truly want our children to embody bravery, then we, ourselves, should also be brave. So move aside Big Girl Panties because it’s time to pull out our ‘Brave-Cape’.

This advice is all coming from the world’s biggest chicken of course. But ergo the saying, sometimes students are the best teachers. And I have definitely had many bravery lessons. Why? Because I am just a natural-born scaredy-cat.

As a young girl I would drag my sister out of bed to walk 6 feet to bathroom doorway because I was petrified of the dark and this didn’t improve that much with age. And while I don’t drag my husband out of bed to go pee with me, I firmly believe that ensuite bathrooms were specifically built for scared 6 year old in all of us.

But young or old, there are many things I wish I had been brave enough to try and things I’m still working on today like:

Meeting new friends, regardless of how shy I felt.
Trying out for sports teams regardless if my athleticism made it clear I was not capable of spiking a volleyball.
Applying for the job that I wasn’t 100% qualified for, but still would have been good at.
Saying “no” to anyone regardless if they were disappointed by my rejection.
Going to new places, allllll by myself.
Saying my point of view knowing full well that others may not agree.
Speaking up and saying, “Actually, I don’t understand.”
Wearing my bikini regardless of my non-supermodel body underneath it.
Embracing uncomfortable situations.
Acknowledging that a relationship may not be ideal and I need to find the courage and knowledge to change it or to leave it behind.
Being comfortable enough in my own skin to realize that others people’s opinions of me don’t matter; not everyone has to like me and seeking love from others is useless unless I love myself the most first.

Outwardly, many of us may not show signs that we are uncomfortable or scared, but we are. This is why things can get tricky as parents. I’m sure my parents were not aware that some of my chicken-ness would actually affect the way I function as an adult in the big bad world out there. And this is why bravery needs to be practiced. It’s like a muscle actually, the more you use it the bigger it gets. So if we exercise this muscle as children for the little things, when the world opens up and gets a bit bigger, we will have the experience and the know-how to embrace all the challenges that come our way.

During school, our most impressionable years as little humans, we are taught things like verb conjugation and dividing fractions and why a dormant volcano can suddenly erupt. But this knowledge won’t help us strive for our dreams in life. It’s really only something we can pack in our suitcase while on our life’s journey, when what we really need is a vehicle to chase those dreams with. That vehicle is called bravery as it operates and moves us to reach our desired destinations. And in life, some of us will have heavy suitcases and some of us may have packed light, but without a set of wheels, we ain't goin' nowhere.

I realized much of this once I became a mom. I felt I had a heavy suitcase of knowledge, but I realized that I hadn’t actually taken my luggage anywhere I really wanted to go. I had been paralyzed by fear in life, as I was not brave enough to chase the dreams I really wanted to chase. And I’d be dammed if I was going to pass on the same fear and reluctance to my kids which might one day make them miss out on experiencing all the amazing things that life has to offer.

So as the ambassador for these tiny humans, being scared wasn’t an option. These little people depended on me. So I had to open up my suitcase full of useless things and find a ‘Brave Cape’ in there. I would teach them bravery by using the most efficient way that kids can learn…by showing them.

I had to suck it up and be brave, whether I liked it or not. But you see, bravery usually only came when I was feeling afraid or anxious. And being anxious and afraid, were not my favorite feelings. But being brave allowed me to try and do many amazing things. You see my dilemma? Ugh, it's like having to eat your broccoli before you get dessert. Not your favorite but it opens up the door for great things. So perhaps feeling afraid, much like broccoli, wasn't such a bad thing after all. Perhaps fear was more like a gateway feeling, or indicator, letting my brain know that further action was required in order to 'feel the reward' and that feeling uncomfortable can actually lead to good things. So, I had to rewire my thought patterns and redefine my definitions of emotions and turn my negative perception of fear into a positive one.

I learned much of this while sitting in my kitchen with my friend Brené Brown*. She told me, ”Being brave is feeling scared or awkward, accepting those feelings, and moving forward anyway.” She’s so smart.

(*Okay, while Brene and I may not be actual friends, she was indeed in my kitchen – just perhaps not in person, only through my Bluetooth speakers after I pressed play on her audiobook. But if she met me, I’m sure we would be besties.)

So yes, you will still feel uncomfortable in life, and that’s okay. The notion that we should steer away from discomfort doesn’t benefit us when most of the greatest things that we will accomplish in life actually require a great deal of discomfort. Being brave does not mean it will eliminate fear. It’s okay to feel scared, nervous or uncomfortable in life. But it’s what you do once you feel those "feels" that defines you. Often we try to find ways to cope and work around our uncomfortable feelings, instead of stepping into them, being brave, and having our needs met.

I always let my children know when I’m nervous or afraid. I showcase my discomfort - I don't try to hide it. And then I take a big f*cking breath and do the thing I'm afraid to do. I let them know that when we feel afraid, this is our chance to be brave. And good things will come from it.

So dig in your suitcase, pull out your Brave Cape and perhaps write yourself a list of all the things you’ve been too afraid to do: