Helping Grumpy Kids be Grumpy

Letting our children know it's okay to be grumpy and how to cope.

As a woman with irrational, fluctuating hormones I can definitely have my grumpy moments. Although for some reason when a women feels this way in our world it’s called ‘bitchy’ but for everyone else on the planet it’s ‘grumpy’. Funny hey?

Well, in our house we have all come to terms with the fact that when this mama says, "I'm just grumpy and I need a minute," that it's time to give me some space and let me breathe it out.

However, it's not often we allow our children to have these grumpy moments. It’s almost as if those moments are only reserved for deserving, stressed-out adults. But children too, when overwhelmed, tired or hangry can feel grumpy and uncomfortable with their feelings.

As parents, we can sometimes discourage our children from displaying any negative emotions because we deem them inappropriate or disruptive. When we do this we are not validating their feelings and we send our children the message that innately they are wrong, not worthy or not good enough. But because no one really enjoys being around a grumpy kid, let’s face it, we try to curb their behavior and by doing so we are not allowing them to learn how to regulate their emotions.

Often we try to impose our perspective onto them. We can say things like: “Girl, you’ve got no reason to be grumpy! You see all these toys? I only had one doll to play with as a kid. ONE DOLL. And I walked to school uphill both ways!”…

Okay, maybe we don't say that exactly. But we have likely said: ”Well you feel this way because…” or “If you would have listened…” or “Perhaps next time you should...” We explain to them why WE feel they are grumpy, or offer our own solution instead of taking a moment and letting our children know that we SEE them and want to HEAR them as well. It’s part of life to have a range of all emotions and being grumpy is actually quite normal. It’s important to show empathy and let our children know that what they are feeling is okay and we can find ways to feel better in these moments. We can start with, “I see that you are not happy. I am here for you. Do you need a hug or what can I do to help?” Or reflect what you see, “I see that you are really grumpy/frustrated/angry. That must make you feel very upset.”

We can let them know they have options to try to cope with their feelings. But first let them know its okay to be grumpy / angry / frustrated, to take as much time as they need and that you are there for them during and after.

Things that help regulate negative moods and emotions:

This list is not exclusive to children, it is for people of all ages, including grumpy mommies.

01. TOUCH / CONNECTION

A hug, cuddle time, movie time or story time. Time for hugs or cuddles is one of the key ways to eliminate stress in kids. A caring touch will produce oxytocin, known as the “love hormone”, as well as endorphins which create feelings of happiness. It’s a good routine to get into with your children if it’s not the natural ‘go-to’ already. However, it’s also important to respect their choices and if a hug is not something they need, then move onto other solutions.

2. CLEAR THE SCHEDULE

Cancel non-essential engagements. Often our children’s moods are a bi-product of their environment and this could be a good indication that they are feeling overwhelmed or that a need has been neglected. If the obligations are not absolutely necessary perhaps skip them. Giving our children space and time to process their emotions teaches them self-care and that they are more important than scheduled activities.

3. ALONE TIME

Quiet time in their room may be a way your child allows themselves to digest their emotions. It will give them the space and freedom to be grumpy or angry and allow their emotions to subside. I often find my daughter entering her room angry, only to peek in 15 minutes later to find her contently playing with her toys .

4. SCREAM / YELL / STOMP YOUR FEET

We all have different ways to dispose of our negative energy. Myself, I thoroughly enjoy throwing things. Have I learned to only throw soft things that won’t break? Yes, I have. Have I broken a remote control once or twice in my career as an adult, yes I have. So I have learned to be respectful of my environment while literally ‘throwing my negative energy away’. Often this world would never allow a child to ‘display this type of behavior’. We deem any behavior that is unsettling to watch as inappropriate. But for some, physically or verballing releasing their pent up energy is what is needed in the moment as long as we are respecting our environment, home and others around us.

• Yell “I feel grumpy” as loud as you can.

• Scream into a pillow or towel.

• Hit a pillow.

• Throw a towel or socks at the wall.

• Roar & stomp your feet.

05. SCRIBBLE THERAPY

Let your children leave their emotions on the paper. This is not a time for ‘pretty’ or ‘precise’ it’s an outlet for unsettled energy. Get a big piece of paper or even a cardboard box, crayons/markers and scribble the angriest, grumpiest picture ever. Let them know this picture is not supposed to look pretty it is supposed to reflect how we ‘feel’.

6. Read a book about grumpy…my favorite “Grumpy Monkey” by Suzanne Lang. This teaches our kids that it’s okay to feel grumpy and those who care about us will support us through it. Sometimes reading allows our children to see their emotions in others and it provides an example that’s easier to understand rather than just hearing “what we have to say”.

In a stressful world we will have many grumpy days. Teaching our children at a young age how to regulate their moods is essential. And hey, we might pick up some tips along the way for ourselves. They say children are mirrors, reflecting what‘a happening around them. So let’s show them how we do ‘grumpy’ so they have a good example to mimic.