Wine Therapy + Why You Need It

What is Wine Therapy and what do you need to know about it?

Oh wine, I love you. You have been there with me through thick and thin, the good times, the bad times and the insignificant Tuesdays as well.

Many of you may know that I’m a serious wine advocate. But what you may not know is that wine is more than a simple glass of grape juice. It’s actually has therapeutic benefits. However, this type of therapy is much less recognized in North America.

Wine therapy actually dates back over 4,000 years, originating in Southern Italy. Italians began making wine, as their climate was ideally suited for growing and cultivating grapes. They incorporated this powerful juice, full of antioxidants it into their daily lives and it wasn’t long before they realized that the consumption was actually producing beneficial effects. Studies started to emerge, showing that the daily therapeutic treatment of drinking wine showed improvements in the psycho-physical well-being of humans. It was an amazing discovery which was soon coined as Vin Terapia, or ‘Wine Therapy’. They continued to exploit the benefits of the properties and active ingredients in the grapes for many ages to come. Wine therapy had officially made its mark on dinner tables and psychology text books all over the world.

Okay, that’s a load of crap. I'm just kidding. But it sounds like it should have some truth to it. But the real truth is me and wine, we’re best friends. And spending time with each other IS like therapy. Some days we don’t have to even say anything to each other. We are simply just ‘there’ for each other. It’s like going to a silent retreat, minus the Gurus or the mediation cushions and with no costly of travel expenses.

You see, I’ve loved wine since the day we met. And as the love-story goes: Once upon a time, on a cloudy day in October; I was five years old and there in the fridge sat a lonely box of Riesling Gewurztraminer. I must have felt sorry for the wine. Poor wine, so alone. I took it upon myself to keep it company. So I filled my pink cup…many times over. And when my loving parents so curiously asked, “Oh Jennifer what are you drinking?” I simply replied, “Just juice” (not that far of a stretch now that I think about it). So that’s where the love affair began.

And just so we are clear, this was not a reoccurring event and I feel comfortable telling you this as the statutory time limit for parental neglect has expired. Also, it was simply the early 80’s, an era filled with the opposite of helicopter-parents. But once my parents were wiser to the fact that what was in my cup was causing some uncoordinated motor skills, that box of wine was moved up to an un-reachable shelf in the fridge. However, it was too late, a bond had formed that would last a lifetime.

Let’s fast forward 30 some-odd years later and here’s me again. A box of wine still sits in my fridge and I’ve traded my pink Tupperware cup for some German crystal with a stem. And I have also replaced my parents with a husband who also often asks, “What are you drinking?” My reply, however, remains the same, “Just Juice.” But in this house, it’s no secret that juice actually means “Mommy Juice” which is just another name word for Pinot Noir.

And today, wine is my best friend, my confident and often my therapist; her name: Mommy Juice, MD. She offers weekly (or daily) sessions of therapy. So this is MY version of modern-day ‘Wine Therapy’.

Weekday Wine Therapy

Wine therapy can take place in the comforts of you own home. Weekday sessions are often ‘semi-private’, occurring just between me and my wine and whomever is floating around in the background. My sessions typically start early enough so to combat the ‘forces of evil’ of the day, the stresses of raising children AND husbands alike, however they must be completed in a timely manner so not incur adverse side effects from elongated wine therapy sessions. So needless to say, sessions should remain short. I often couple wine therapy with cooking-therapy, or ‘making dinner’ as some call it. I find that a simple mega-pour of Pinot Grigio turns the mundane chore of cooking dinner for your family, every f*cking day, into a happy and rewarding task.

Wine therapy sessions are also cost-effective. A minimal cost of a $3 glass of box wine, and a simple yell of, “Alexa, play spa music…. Ahem…Alexa, I SAID play spa music dammit!” can actually replace the cost of an real-life, expensive, human therapist.

Weekday wine therapy session… successful.

Weekend Wine Therapy

Weekend Wine Therapy is similar to Weekday Wine Therapy, however sessions often take place in group settings (covid-conscious group settings of course) and occur on Saturdays or Sundays (hence the name). Sessions typically include at least one additional person. For example, close friends or family and preferably not totally random strangers, unless that’s your thing of course. I find group sessions very essential for my personal growth. They allow unnecessary babbling so to clear out the cobwebs which have been collecting in my cranium for quite some time. For me, my vocabulary and intelligence has drastically decreased since becoming a parent. Wine therapy builds my confidence as it provides me with the opportunity to practice speech and language skills with persons over the age of six. Weekend Wine Therapy produces boosts in serotonin, our happy-hormone, and oxytocin as we connect with our loved ones. So really, I should call it Hormone-Boost-Weekend--Wine-Therapy, (#HBWWT), but for some reason that hasn’t seemed to stick.

However, again, please mind the dosages. Because even though I believe that wine as a wellness tool, let’s not get too ‘well off the wine’ if you know what I’m saying.

So take part in this portable and inexpensive therapy. Simply pour, breath in, breathe out and wine therapy the shit out of your day!

- - - WARNING - - -

Adverse Side Effects of Elongated Wine Therapy Use Include:

• Speech disorders. i.e. slurring

• Gross motor skills impairment. i.e. stumbling

• Cognitive impairment. i.e. irrational decision making

• Emotional or physical damage

• Disillusions of happiness

• Pregnancy

• Illusions of love

• Financial strain due to costs of requiring a real human therapist (thus defying the point of attempting inexpensive wine therapy in the first place).

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