Top Eleven Tips for a House Messy AF.

Are you sitting in a house full of mess? Does it look like a bomb recently detonated in your home? Is this your normal?

Is your sink full of dishes; your dishwasher waiting patiently to be emptied; the windows full of so many tiny, human paw prints that is producing a frosted-look; dried clumps of playdoh and sparkles decorate the floor; many baskets full of clean AND dirty laundry, and a snail-trail of toys marking the paths that the children have walked? And yet despite all your daily efforts, as soon as you turn your back on a clean room, a tiny human seems to have the capability to destroy in 12 seconds what just took 37 minutes to clean. And for the eighth time that day, you are back at square one…a house that’s messy AF.

Well I have news for you. I have created my top eleven list of the best tips and tricks to staying stress free while attempting* to keep a cleaner home. (Yes top ELEVEN…because Top Ten was so yesterday and I’m bold like that…like a trendsetter. Can’t help it - I was born with it.)

TOP ELEVEN TIPS FOR A MESSY HOUSE.

01. Stop Cleaning.

The best way to avoid stress from cleaning is to simply stop cleaning.

02. Reduce Laundry.

Stay in pajamas all day. Not only will it reduce laundry but it will also save on water and soap. An eco-friendly solution really. So pat on your back for saving the planet.

03. Reduce / Reuse / Recycle.

This can also apply to reusing or 're-wearing' garments on both sides to extend wearing time, but for obvious reasons lets limit this to tee-shirts and socks. Let's not get crazy here people.

04. Clean with Your Kids.

Kids love to clean and wash windows. Will it look clean when they are done? Probably not. But at least the smell of cleaning products will evoke a sense of accomplishment therefore reducing your stress! But please limit your child’s exposure time to toxic cleaning solutions. No need for the children to get “high” of the chemicals - they do not work as productively when then intoxicated…trust me!

05. Put Your Ego and Broom Aside.

Resist the urge and DO NOT CLEAN BEFORE family comes over. The more you clean before they come over, the more they think you’re good at this ‘cleaning gig’ and the less likely they are to help. Let them see the disaster and allow their judging eyes to scan the room. Then ever so swiftly pass them the broom and pitifully nod your head and say, “I know…it’s bad!” And guaranteed the next time they will show up with their hero-dish gloves on and voila…your dishes are done. Be sure to let them know that they are your “Hero“ as dramatically as you can! Compliments go a long here way people.

06. Break it Down.

Treat floor cleaning like a Netflix 6 part miniseries that does not need to be binge watched in one session:

o Day 1: Sweep

o Day 2: Vacuum

o Day 3: Put Away the Vacuum

o Day 4: Mop

o Day 5: Empty mop bucket

o Day 6: Put Away the Mop

07. Go Minimal.

The first step is to get a coffee and learn the KonMari method of cleaning by binge watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix. And after that, if there is time left, tackle the mess on your floor and make the donation bag your best friend. The less stuff to clean, the less mess there is. It’s as simple as that.

08. Label Everything.

Closets, doors, shelves, baskets and more. Then, even in your most stressed or sleep deprived state you will know what you’re doing and will know where look and where to put things back; because apparently milk doesn’t do well without refrigeration and car keys are often lost underneath mounds of unorganized debris. This also helps for those of you who have annoying "I'm only blind when I've lost something" partners who can never seem to find anything and always need your assistance, so this will allow you to allocate more time to finish watching the Mari Kondo Netflix series.

9. Simplify and Pick One.

If you can’t take it…clean only one room. We all need one clean space for sanity purposes - so just pick one. And when the clutter overwhelms you, retreat here and convince yourself its all okay. For selfish reasons – my clean sanity room is my bedroom. Hey, I deserve it.

10. Create a 72 Hour Cycle.

This means to only do the dishes every three days or so. Why make a task so repetitive? Save ‘em all up and just conquer them once every 72 hours or so. Daily Schmaily! That’s what I say to everyday dishwashing. And when every three days becomes too much, paper plates and finger foods it is folks.

11. Oh wait...

I guess I only had ten tips. Uh -Oh. No it's fine - Top Ten can be cool again. Who says Top Eleven really anyways. But sorry, I don't have time to edit the title, I have some Netflix to watch.

SIDE NOTE:

If you are a mom who has mastered the fine art of a clean house, guilt free, then I am proud of you. But honestly I would keep that on the down-low, I think mainly for safety reasons. You wouldn’t want your fellow moms to get jealous and put a target on your back or worse..shackle you up and make you clean their house. Eek!

——————————————————

*attempting to keep a cleaner home - Please note that the operative word here is attempting - successfully following these top eleven tips will NOT ACTUALLY make your house look cleaner. It will simply mean that you attempted cleanliness, whether or not you were successful is not the point. 'A' for effort here folks!