Creating Happy Confident Kids with the Help of Positivity

I've always subscribed to the Positive Parenting approach. It's what feels good in my bones and although when I first became a mom I didn't realize all the tips and techniques to positive parenting, I tried my best to educate myself.

In our house we aim to build confidence; we validate our children's feelings no matter how uncomfortable we feel about their behaviors; we encourage autonomy and try to make them feel beautiful and smart on a deeper level, without just saying "You're beautiful and smart". And while we may throw around a few f-bombs from time to time, in our house we considered 'swearing' to be negative or derogatory descriptive words about ourselves or others. Words like: fat, skinny, ugly, dumb, stupid or even describing someone's leading positive traits as 'pretty'.

But despite all my efforts, my daughter was born with a big bone of insecurity. It's the nature vs. nurture debate - and nurture lost this round. We never excessively promoted princesses, pink or even dresses in our house yet she gravitated towards it naturally. She was our personal entertainer and she confidently gave us singing performances and daily magic shows. Confidence didn't seem to be an issue at all. Until one day I caught her looking at herself in the mirror. She described herself as ugly as she posed in a dress she didn't like. And later, after a quick interaction with a gift of 'play makeup' she received, she told me "she needed makeup in order to be pretty". She had not learned that from me. I barely had time to shower never mind spend time putting on my 'makeup face'. FAK....What had I created? Was it something I did or didn't do, or was it a part of her characteristic simply innate in her? Well, to alleviate the guilt, I agreed with the latter, but obviously we had work to do.

Fast forward a couple years and she headed off to kindergarten. I sent off my bubbly, confident child to school, only to come back a few hours later to learn I was picking up a girl who was desperate to have friends to like her. As the months continued I realized that she left her confidence, her agency and her ability to articulate her needs at the front door, every day, before she left for school. She didn't speak up for herself and tell her friends when they hurt her feelings or were being mean. Instead, she begged them to still be her friends. She was deflated and sad when she returned home and spent most of the year being a victim of a 'mean girl' bully.

So I made it my 'mom-mission' to build her confidence as high as I could in ways I had never tried before. Ways that would help her attack the sometimes cruel outside world. You see, we prepare our kids with skills that often work within the home but often those skill don't translate in the outside world in experiences which are foreign to them - especially when they don't have the same support system standing right behind them.

I started creating a confidence building routine with my daughter at bedtime. I had a great idea to make positivity cards only to discover that they existed in a similar form. So I purchased an amazing confidence building tool: a deck of Love Powered Co. Littles "I AM AFFIRMATIONS FOR KIDS".

They were beautiful, big and my girls loved them immediately. And the best part was how easy it was to start a 'confidence building activity' without feeling like we were being forced to attend a mental health retreat. It was simple and so effective. So every night, we pulled a card from the deck and used the conversation starter questions at the bottom and we dove into a pit of positivity and built our confidence up in the most discreet, non-preachy way. The card's question is "What is Your Power?" Answered with positive affirmations on the reverse like:

• Love is my power - I am love, I am compassionate, I am kind. When did you give or receive love today?

• Peace is my power - I am peace, I am still, I am centred. Can you remember a time when you felt calm and peaceful?

• Beauty is my power - I am beautiful, I am radiant, I am magnetic. What makes you beautiful?

• Uniqueness is my power - I am unique, I am special, I am one of a kind. What is something that makes you unique?

Confidence is a trait that can come naturally but also is a skill that can be practiced. And I'm glad to recognize earlier, rather than later in life, that together we can work on these skills with my daughter. School can be tough. Life can be tough. Bullying is real. And equipping our tiny humans with the skills of confidence and gratitude and helping them find their 'super-powers' make this world better. Confident kids are less like to BE BULLIED; confident kids are less likely to BE THE BULLY; and confident kids are less likely to stand around and WATCH the bullying.

Although I'm sure I will at some point create my own version of positivity cards. I am happy to share these ones for the simple fact that these cards are good cards for kids to improve in all areas in life; humility, determination, adaptability and more. I am positive that all adults who are in some way influencing the emotional well-being of children will greatly appreciate all that these boxes of Love Powered Co. Littles.

But even if these cards don't fall on your shopping list, that doesn't mean you can't start your own 'confidence building' routine with your little ones. Every night, simply ask them, what they are proud of and why they are amazing. And let their answers amaze you.

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full disclosure: links to the amazon marketplace mean that if you click it and purchase something, you will not be charged extra in any way...I pinky swear...I will however receive a small kick-back as a thank from Amazon for giving them a 'shout out' and any earnings will contribute to the coffee and wine required for inspiration for this blog.