4 Game-Changing Parenting Books You Must Read

I think parenting books can be amazing. I also think many parenting books sometimes make better coffee coasters than books. But these four books are game-changing parenting books. They are not full of obvious ‘what not to do’s, or finger-wagging/shame inducing ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts'. They are full of knowledge and insight from relatable people who made it their mission to deliver missing pieces of information to the world of parents.

We are ALL unique and just trying to do our best as parents with the limited amount of knowledge that we have. Our world may be evolving at rapid speeds; however as parents we are still aimlessly wandering trying to find the right path in a dark forest or trying to connect back to some natural roots that this modern world has guided us away from.

I know from my own experience – parenting has been the biggest f*cking life lesson I have ever had. And it includes a full range of emotions and immature behaviors that I never knew I could even feel or exhibit. So essentially my behavior is not unlike a child actually. So why would I assume that as the parent that I am the teacher and the child is the student? Because the way I see it, as parents, we have a lot to learn and a lot more to unlearn. Our first step could be to self reflect, find compassion and awareness and to enlighten ourselves about how our children’s brains actually work. That is what these books have in common. They will change the lens in which you view your children, yourself and your relationships.

As parents, we are all going to make mistakes along the way. And that’s okay. But the best way to raise wonderful tiny humans is to learn how to be a better bigger human ourselves.

So there is no need to get lost in a sea of parenting books. These will offer you guidance and inspiration to be the best parent you can be. So the search is over. Read (or listen) to these four insightful books and I promise you, it will change the way you are as a parent, as a partner and as a human.

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

by Dr. Shefali Tsabary

The Conscious Parent is the first parenting book I ever read cover to cover. One reason being that I did not have any children outside of the womb yet so I actually had time to read; and the other is because Dr. Shefali Tsabary is so insightful and she’s an excellent teacher. Her book, a New York Times Best Seller, really transformed my parenting journey before it even began.

Conscious parenting is not just a category in which you fall into, but more of a way of ‘being’ as a parent. Here is a rundown of the few key elements of conscious parenting: Parenting is not a hierarchy or a dictatorship, it’s a mutual journey. It is a relationship where both are teaching and learning from each other. Parents are not the ‘know all’ beings and should be self-reflective, aware, mindful and present. By letting go of our own ego and desires we do not suppress our child’s ability to grow based on what we think is right. We react from a calm and centred place.

Dr. Shefali does a great job bringing awareness to things that we say or do as parents simply because it’s something we are so conditioned to doing or saying. But our poor choice of actions and words can be soul-crushing to a child and inhibit their ability to connect with us - which is likely the opposite of what we are trying to achieve In the first place. Read her book it’s a game changer.

The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection

by Brené Brown

Well, we all know me and Brené are best buddies* and after falling in love with her research on shame and vulnerability and reading many of her books, I was ecstatic to realize she had a book on parenting. We may all know that shame is real in this lifetime and it’s hard enough to get over it ourselves, but how do we make damn sure that we don’t inflict the same wounds on our children that the world has inflicted on us?

We don’t intentionally inflict pain upon our children because we are ‘bad people’, but simply because we are so socially conditioned that when we are not educated to ‘do better’, we are simply reactive as parents. Also because Brené says there is no such thing as bad people only bad choices…there’s your first amazing parenting lesson from her.

Telling your children they have made a bad choice rather than they are ‘bad for doing something’ does not inflict shame on who they are as a person and it allows them to make a ‘better choice’ next time… because we all have the ability to make choices for ourselves. Even as parents, we also have the chance to make a better choice next time. How empowering does that feel? So even though as a parent you have made bad choices, because we all have – we are human, not perfect –there is a chance to grow and make better choices moving forward.

Brené breaks this book down with guideposts in which she explains; the difference between shame vs. guilt, the importance of gratitude and whole-hearted parenting, navigating boundaries, being a parent not a friend, actions are more powerful than words, engaging in play at all ages and how to stop rescuing our kids from struggle.

I cruised through this 2 hour audio-book while cleaning the house but have replayed it many-a-times in the car while playing “part-time-kiddie-chauffeur”. They are lessons we can hear again and again to help kick us out of our conditioned state and into a state of growth and whole-heartedness.

*When I say me and Brené Brown are best buddies, I really mean, we WOULD BE best buddies in real life if we ACTUALLY met each other, which perhaps one day we will. And not in a stalker-type of scenario. Like in a “Hey Jenny, I hear you are awesome and we should really have coffee together sometimes and share lots of knowledge and funny stories.” That’s what I really mean when I say we are ‘best buddies’. I thought I would clear this up so you do not feel so jealous that you are not her best buddy.

The Five Love Languages of Children

by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

This book is the children’s spin-off of the original book “The Five Love Languages” which is a game-changer for relationships and if you have already read that book then this book will be a breeze but I promise you will still have many ‘AHA moments’.

We all give and receive love in different ways. But the way we give love to our child may not be the way they ideally prefer to receive it. So the long and the short is you may be showering you children with love but if it’s not their ‘love language’ then your efforts may not be as fruitful. Your child may prefer five hugs a day, one-on-one quality time, special gifts, words of affirmation, or special acts of love or service. Every child is unique with their own combination of love languages. Our biggest goal as parents is to make sure our child feels loved. But if you aren’t speaking their love language you could be missing out on filling up their daily ‘love bucket’.

Reading this book will allow you to identify your child's love language and it will probably give you a lot more insight into your own love language as well. It may also clear up some misconceptions about the people in your life, leaving you feel like you understand them better. Ahem…like your partner who doesn’t understand that helping doing the dishes is your preferred ‘love language’. So while this is an essential book for parenting it’s also just as important if you want to have any productive relationships with other humans in your life as well.

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

This is one of those books that you’re going to say, “I wish I had read this book sooner.” It has a lot of practical, basic lessons that are so simple you kinda feel silly that you didn’t know them already and other facts that you would likely never know unless you were best friends with a psychiatrist or neuroscientist. And because parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, how would you really know ALL this stuff? But you know what, there is a handbook and it’s called The Whole-Brain Child.

It dives into explaining the way our children’s brains work and their behaviors as a result of this. It helps us understand which part of their brain is functioning, how to connect to that part of the brain and which actions we need to take when certain behaviors arise.

The biggest take-away for many parents who have read this book is that when our child is super upset, the side of the brain that is functioning is the ‘right‘ processing-emotions side of the brain - not the ’left’ literal-comprehension-side of their brain. So it's no surprise that when we try to ‘explain, negotiate or have them listen’, their brains actually can’t do those things in that moment. As parents, it’s our job to relate to the ‘right emotional-side of the brain’ that’s functioning FIRST by offering empathy and comfort. Once their behavior and emotions have calmed down, it’s only THEN we can use our words to connect with them on a literal language level as that left-side of their brain will now be ‘available’, which it wasn’t before.

So when you feel like you’ve said something a hundred times or think no one has heard a thing you’ve said because nothing has changed….well they likely haven’t heard you because you’ve chosen a time to speak when their ‘listening/learning’ side of the brain was not available - it was “currently out of order”.

By reading this book you can learn more about how to; find the right time to connect, learn when to let feelings come and go, how to ‘engage, don’t enrage’, how to connect through conflict, encourage physical activities to shift their emotional state…and more.

This book should be handed out in the delivery room to all parents. I’m gonna chat with someone about that idea. It’s a pretty brilliant idea actually because this book is a must read.

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Note: Most of these books also have an accompanying workbook you can use to learn and exercise all the new skills you will learn in these amazing books - so don't forget to check them out.

I hope you enjoy these books. You have the time. Put in your earbuds, start washing the dishes and press play. Who knew that cleaning could be so transformative?

full disclosure: links to the amazon marketplace mean that if you click it and purchase something, you will not be charged extra in any way...I pinky swear...I will however receive a small kick-back as a thank from Amazon for giving them a 'shout out' and any earnings will contribute to the coffee and wine required for inspiration for this blog.